Burymedeep’s Weblog

my current sate???

Last words i heard clearly:- “happiness is the state of mind”

Well………bullfuck! Then hapiness is not real. It’s just shit made up in your mind.

“Is there no hapiness in the world” you say?? Adults :- *chuckles* and then they say, “happiness is the state of mind”

What kind of bullfuck answer is that????

my other current state:- I have become more quiet i don’t feel like talking much. All i wnat to do is just be preoccupied with something other than “that.”

I’m scared of dying I’m scared of living. Coz life is just bullfuck! there’s nothing! no point in living coz all you’ll get is…………..shit. No goddamn HAPINESS!

Of course i used to make myself believe there will be. then he came along. then now shit happened then now i don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. They blame me. She blames me. I blame me. I woke up today feeling like shit and missing him. And then i decided i won’t give a fuck anymore. and frankly……..its doing me quiet good. except when i start thinking about the “no happiness” part

That part just………….it just kills me.

Ladies and gentlemen………here, barely breathing, lies the proclaimed Abigail, the loser of all ages, the broccoli of the dinner plate, the moth of the perfumed fields filled with butterflies!

Oh!!! and she just missed the train that went to realization.

OH NO! Look she’s lost now! Shes going to die in her little closet. suffocated by lack of wisdom. She’s a do do brain. in other words…………she’s a fuck bag who knows no less than the four walls of her room.

I’d say the past month has been hell. Now after all those tears. I’m weak. I have no strength left in me to do anything. to feel anything. I seriously don’t.

i want to hate me like i used to but i have no strength to do that either. SIgh.

I want to hate the world. but no strength for that either. i want to be happy. but oh no strength for that either. I just……………………don’t care if i become cold as ice. or really really numb. I just don’t want to feel like that ever again. EVER!

I have become used to pretending to be happy. And i am getting better with every person. at every time.

Like they say “practice makes perfect” and i AGREE!

I just……………have to figure out some stuff now. Not important stuff. just………crap about being a better person. and shit like that.

Ah!!! Pretending……………..people say its sweet i just say…………its me being that way so i don’t have to deal with any other hard sht.

call me a coward. I am one. I ahve come to accept that i am one SO fuck off!!!

God i feel so weak form inside.

I haven’t eaten properly for a long time. But eh leave it. I was planning to not eat and then get real weak and catch meninjitis and die

but ah……..that happened so i guess I’ll bail on my plan then.

This is my conclusion to a bit of what i feel.

This has been a reminder to “ABigail the loser” of what is going on in her head.